Apartment Hunting

[chimney_swift]

So for the last two years or so, I've lived with my parents.

Once I graduated from college, I moved into their house in Boston. That first year, I actually didn't spend very much time there--I worked almost the full year with what had previously been my summer job, and lived in Maine and Florida. I had a great year, decided that I didn't want to dedicate that much time to the organization, and made a plan to live in Boston the next year. I did some ground work and worked freelance technical theater. I joined a lion dance troupe. I spent a month in Florida.

I had a lot of free time. I had a period during the winter where I was very unhappy and lonely. So going into this year, I made a new plan. I would be in Boston--but I wouldn't be with my parents. I'd find an apartment (almost definitely sharing with other people), and that would make things better. Here was the idea: in an apartment, I wouldn't have the opportunity to just sit and be sad and unmotivated. There would be social pressures (embarrassment and shame) from my roommates to not sit around and pay rent from my savings. I would get more jobs! I would do more things! I would have people to talk to! I would cook my own food!

None of my plans in the spring worked out. The friend I thought would also need an apartment found one with different people. The apartment that sounded perfect was actually an on-the-DL sublet that wouldn't put me on the lease. The other almost perfect apartment with actual friends from college came up right before I had to go back up to the Maine woods. Which brings us to today. I now have an opportunity to move into an apartment. The current renters are pretty desperate to get someone in. It's a big initial payment--I'd have to pay all of September's rent, my last month, and a $400 approval fee. The room is beautiful, the people seem fine, the location is pretty sweet. But when I got the email saying I could be a possibility, I freaked out.

Most of my stress is logistics. I won't really be able to sublet during the summer unless I'm really sneaky. The other renters are moving out when their lease is up, so if I come back to Boston in the fall in that apartment, I'll have to find new roommates in, like, April before I go to Maine. But I'm also second guessing my need for an apartment. I'm planning on going to grad school soon. I don't want to go to school in Boston. Are there ways for me to get what I need without moving out? There's a car I want to buy and more realistically need. I'm slowly working my way towards becoming a substitute teacher. I'm still dancing.

I hate being one of those people living with their rich parents while they dither about their life. It feels like I'm taking the easy way. But typing that, I don't think I am. I think sometimes I am, for sure. But not all the time.

I really just need to be busier. I'll be happier with more stuff going on. I need more work. I need to get outside more. I need to be more active. I'm going to sleep on this, and let you all (ha) know in the morning.